So he's alive, don't worry.
Nawaf: babe i'm so sorry! -3 hours ago-
Three fu*king hours ago?! And it's 9am? Aha!
Nawaf: hala asf wallah! Bs nset jawali fe bait elwald w rja3t nmt w rja3t a54ta awal ma klamtk
Nawaf: i promise you elyom inshalah
Nawaf: a7bk my sleeping beauty
Nawaf: haloli
And it went on. I was so mad.
Hala: morning.
Nawaf: yaaa 9ba7 el5air!!!!<3
Hala: 9ba7 lnor
Nawaf: z3lana?
Hala: brb baro7 albs
Nawaf is calling>
To answer or not?
Nawaf: alo
Hala: ..
Nawaf: 7yati
Hala: ..
Nawaf: halawi
Hala: don't. Call. Me. That.
Nawaf: woooo! Wsh fek tra esm!
Hala: adre esm bs don't call me ketha
Nawaf: 6yb esm3eni
Nawaf: ana asf walla w 7agkk 3lay
Hala: wen knt?
Nawaf: bait wa7d mn el3yal
Hala: w fe a7d ynsa iljawal!?
Nawaf: ..
Hala: wsh knto tswon
Nawaf: wsh thalt78e8?
Hala: nawaf
Nawaf: hala
Hala: okay bye
Nawaf: estni estni
Hala: n3am
Nawaf: 5ala9 i'm going to be honest with you ok bs don't be mad
Hala: ok
Nawaf: quitting isn't as easy as it sounds it will take me so much time!
Hala: w kaman law enti knt m9amim enk tb6l kan mar7t bait elwald w ent 3arf esh btswon!
Nawaf: bs enti
Hala: listen listen nawaf ana mali fayda bkl hatha, el9a7a 97tk w el7yat 7yatk ana mara7 ajbrk ttrk shay wla ra7 afhmk ena what you're doing is wrong because i'm sure you know that bs if you want me in your life quit 3'air ketha mali sh3'l fek.
Nawaf: hala!! Hala i want you more than anything walla!!
Hala: then leave this shit behind
Nawaf: i can't!!! It's so hard give me time please!!
Hala: okay then nawaf whenever you recover call me
Nawaf: hala don't be stupid!!!
Hala-laughing sarcastically-: okay i won't be stupid talk to you later
Nawaf: later when?
Hala: later when you're no longer a weed smoker.
Nawaf-sigh-
Hala: bye.
And i ended the call by that...
I might be taking that nawaf's a weed smoker as an excuse for us to be apart? Why am i not liking this? It feels so wrong yet so right!
I'm always happy around him but when he's not with me i feel bad and and it's like what i'm doing is the most worst decision i've ever made!
Deema: 9ba7 elzg
Hala: abi agolk shay
Deema-whispering-: lina gayma
Hala: mayhm esm3i SHE smokes
Deema: klhom 3adi
Hala: weed!
Deema: shit!
Hala: w mara ystfz w yghar w ma abe ana t3rfeni!!
Deema: end it.
Hala: seriously?
Deema: mnjdi! End it Elyom weed bukra esh? End it ary7lk
Hala: aaaah!
Deema: don't act like you're broken hearted ashwnk knti tbenha mn alah!
Hala: haw walah i love him!
Deema: love him?
Hala: deema! I literally sat on his lap and you know how much i hate physically contact w mu ay a7d ylmasni right?
Deema: ok ok relax.
Deema: but i don't want you to be with someone who isn't good for you!
Hala: ufffff!
Deema: shofi shofi swi eli yray7k bs ana agolk lm9l7tk!
Hala: 6yb
Lina came in out of nowhere, crying. Literally sobbing.
Deema: haw haw! Shfeeek?
Lina: zg wala zg
And by that i know my sister just got dumped .. Shfena w3!
I hugged her and all she did was curse him to pieces. Hatha lma agol ena bzr klhom bzran 7ta elzg eli 3ndi!
Deema took care of lina i went to the bathroom and then went out got dressed and excused myself.
Lina: wen btro7en?
Hala: bro7 ashof wa7da 25 minutes w barj3 3shan n6la3
Deema: la t6awlen
Hala: ee inshalah
Calling>nawaf
Nawaf: 7ubi
Hala: meet me in fashion islands parking mn side el food court
Nawaf: b3ed ana 3adi n2jlha?
Akammsna the f?
Hala: wenk?
Nawaf: ray7en balboa island
Hala: nawaf i only got a week w raj3a alriyadh can you please come 5 minutes mu akthr
Nawaf: ebshri bs 10 dgayg w akon 3ndk!
Hala: bye.
Oh good god.
I don't even know what i am up to let's hope it goes well!
15 minutes later...
Nawaf is calling>
Nawaf: wenk?
Hala: ana ajek
Nawaf: first phase
Hala: ok
Nawaf: 3adi trawgen?
Hala: ok
Nawaf: a7bk
Hala: bye
Nawaf: hala please?
Hala: 6yb gltlk
Okay hala you're going in his car and directly say everything to his face bdon laf w dawran. Ok? Ok.
As i got into his car he welcomed me in most cutest way possible eli nset klshay!!!:) a7ba? Mdre
Nawaf: ya hala ya hala walah ka2na ro7i rja3tli wsh mswya feni? 9dg wsh mswya?
Hala: ..
I blushed but i managed to hide it.
Nawaf: haloli
Hala: nawaf etrkni aw etrka
Nawaf: hala la tflmen! walla hala walla!!! Atrk eldnya 3shank wala! -holding hala's hand-
Hala: prove it!
Nawaf: i will!!
Nawaf: and i will make our last week together the most memorable days of your life i promise!
Damn you accent.
Nawaf-cupping hala's face-: i promise -sweetest tone-
Hala-smiling happily-
Nawaf: alah ydem hal ebtsama goli amen
Hala: amen -blushing and looking away-
Nawaf: fe m7l milkshake yb3d 2 seconds bs
Hala: i caaaan't a5wati ystnon bs knt abi ashofk shway
Nawaf: eshtagteli? -smirk-
Hala: nooo..
Nawaf: dnyaaa mn ilwaalah wala mu shog
Hala: w3 ba3d!!
Nawaf-laughing-: hug me 6yb
Hala-shaking her head as a no-
Nawaf: ela -pulls hala's hand to his neck-
Now we were facing each other and it was extremely a w k w a r d.
And this time i didn't much like it.
Hala-pushing away nawaf slowly-: sorry wala lazm aro7
Nawaf: okay aw9lk elhotel may7taj tmshen
6b3an 7sait ena t6'ayg w 6ar63 bs mu 3ala kl tbn bar6'a!
Hala: okay-smiling-
He dropped me off the hotel smiling and that was it. I guess it went well?
--
Later that night at 11PM exactly when i tucked myself under my bed he called.
Nawaf-sweet tone-: hey
Hala-sleepy voice-: ahln..
Nawaf: eshtgtlk
Hala: emhm
Nawaf: akthr shay
Hala: Mmm
Nawaf: ya dala3
Hala-laughing-
Nawaf: yaj3l hal'67ka tbga
Hala-blushing-
Nawaf: esh swaiti elyom?
Hala: mdri
Nawaf: zahimer mubakir-laughing-
Hala-laughing-: tgdr tgol
Nawaf: 6yb leh ma jeti spectrum shft 5watk
Hala: r7t?
Nawaf: ee
Hala: enba6t?
Nawaf: bdonk? Malh gema!
Hala: checked out some asses i know you
Nawaf: nah mus6a7at
Hala-laughing-: 3aib haw!!
Nawaf: you mentioned it wsh d5lni-laughing-
Hala-laughing-
Nawaf: a3'nelk?
Hala: 3'neli..
Nawaf: galo tara malk aml fe gurbha law yom eb3d w janb darbha w hatha ho elmagssoom..
Hala: ..
Nawaf: glt etrkoni w eskto 5alo el3atb w el lom! Gdni 3'rgt fe ba7rha.
Hala: a7bha..!
Nawaf: w t7ben eli 3'ana?
Hala: 3badi? Aked!!!
Nawaf: 6yb ya halawi
Hala: nawaf! Gltlk la tnadenj halawi!!!
Nawaf: esh elsbab haw!!!
Hala: bs!
Nawaf: 3jzt afhmk!
Hala: 5ala9 rawg ma9ar shay
Nawaf: n3sana?
Hala: emhm
Nawaf: anwmk
Hala-blushing-: eem
Gd glt ena 9ota 7lu so my mind was far off tw83t by3'ani what's surprising ena bda ygra 8ur2an in the most relaxing voice. It gave me shivers.
I fell asleep after a while and i woke to find a message that says "you're sound so cute when you're asleep i wonder how you look like;) I stayed listening to your breathing for 30 minutes. Sleep well my beauty<3"
AWWWWWWEEH.
I still got 5 days till riyadh, nawaf was perfect for 3 days every night he'd call and we would talk about random things y3ni tarkk jalsat a97aba w ja w klamni w that's sooo cute!
Bs bu 6bee3a ma yjoz 3an 6ab3a!
He didn't call me that night but what pissed me even more ena ma klamni la whatsapp wla messages. W ana elbnt w 6b3an hala 3ndha 8ana3ah ena elwald eli daym ybda y7ki. Elbnt abd matro7. So i ignored my phone and slept with my jeans on, mn zod el39bya..
I woke up the next morning and I checked my phone. Nawaf still hadn't called me yet. I was torn between being worried about him and being angry. Why would he do this to me? Akeed he got high again.
I left my phone to go get ready to go out for breakfast. After I was done with my shower and getting my clothes on, I sat on the couch waiting for Lina and Deema. I decided to check my phone and see if he txted me back or called. Nothing. Ma3 ena his last seen was 10 minutes ago, and his last tweet was 2 minutes ago. Pissed off and hurt I turned off my 3G.
After hours and hours of shopping with my sisters we were finally sitting down in a cafe. I ordered 7 up and just sat there and thought about Nawaf and It hit me that I haven't checked my phone since I left the hotel.
Still 0 msgs and 0 missed calls wj3!
-
The second day went by the same way, no calls no texts nothing. Like I didn't exist I hate it. God! Why was he doing this to me? 6b3an mara7 a7akeh!! 5air ana a5r shay knt gayltla b whatsapp w sfh.
I went out but then I came back home early because I wasn't really feeling it.
He was tweeting and opening whatsapp bs he wasn't talking to me.
He was ignoring me.
-
The third day started the same way, I was going to visit my cousin who lives in the village apartments and that's when I saw him for the first time in 3 days.
Nawaf, the guy who said that he loves "me" was there, high off his mind and chasing 3 girls who were walking together.
Then later that night I got a call from him and I answered.
Hala: alo?
Nawaf: 5air t6l3een ma3 3yal
enti ma tst7en?
His voice was heavy again, and he sounded out of his mind.
Hala: ana gayltlk nawaf ya ana ya thaltbn.
Nawaf: thaltbn thaa huwa eli mrya7ni mu zayk!!
I hung up on him and started crying a waterfall. Deema woke up and asked me what's wrong. I couldn't talk.
The next morning I woke up and the first thing I did I called him. I had a huge headache, and my heart ached not because i loved him yakl zg but because i gave him my best when he didn't even deserve a shit anyways i called him and said 2 words.
Hala: Nawaf, it's over.
Nawaf: hal
Before he even speaks i hung up.
Our last day in cali i'm going to blast it. Fudge you nawaf alx.
-
If only he knew, if only m7amd knew that this stranger hurt me with words and actions, he'd be now punching and kicking.
M7amd you said you'll kill anyone for me.. Remember?
-FLASHBACK-
-phone call-
M7amd: halawiii
Hala: halaaa
M7amd: agolk shay?
Hala: goli shay
M7amd: law mathlan la 8adr alah ma kamlna swa
Hala: m7amd!
M7amd: ba56bkk 7alflk ana enti bs t5arji w fkena!!
Hala-laughing-: 6yb kaml
M7amd: law la 8adr alah ma 79al n9eb? W 9rti m3 a7d 3'airi?
Hala: which will never happen
M7md: LAW
hala: ee
M7amd: i'll always be here, always
Hala: ok
M7amd: i'm serious enti bs dgi alo m7amd tra el5ra 6'aygni law zojk ana mst3d al3n shakla! Athb7a law tben!!
Hala-laughing shyly-
M7md: promise?
Hala: i promise
M7amd: a9lan i'm never going to let you slip away, bag3dk m3ay lma amooot!!!
Hala: 7bebi ent!! B3d 3umr 6wel inshala
M7amd: wyaaak!
Hala: 6yb mumkin tngl3? Wray final physics w ent tgrg
M7amd: yallaaa w etha ma fahamti dgi 3lay
Hala: okay bs kaif gltli ajeb elnatj?
M7amd: bs e6'rbi awal natj b thani natj
Hala: aaah ok w el8sma wain?
M7amd: bs lma yjek natj bdon fa9la e8smi 3ala 3
Hala: fahaaaaamt w ana agol 7aysa
Nawaf-laughing-: alah ysahl 3alek halawi galbiii
Hala-laughing-: wyak ya galb halawi ent shokran mara
-PRESENT DAY-
If you only knew that i made this big mistake just to get over you..
It didn't work well buddy, it didn't.
-
To be honest, nawaf was a good yet a very bad phase in my life! He was a lesson to everything, i knew after him that every guy will come into my life will never be like m7amd and i will forever compare.
And i learned too that getting attached so fast is bad even when you are in need.
I learned that you shouldn't give your all to a stranger you barely knew.
what you get when you take things so fast with someone is that you pause for a second and you realize that you've just made the biggest mistake in your life.
Awgat afakr ena 9dg ana i only let him in l2n i was feeling alone ? And because i needed it? Not because i was ready or i wanted it fahamto?
Nawaf has his good side, forever and always will stay. He's sweet caring loving and everything
But his bad side is him. He is bad for me and i can't take it.
I hope he quits because he's a sweet guy w eli bttzawja ba3d may3gal ma76'oo6'a haha.. Bs i really felt like he wasn't the one for me.
Ending it with him wasn't easy y3ni for gods sake i'm a girl and i kind of got attached to his nice words not him in person but in the end it wasn't as heart breaking as everyone thought it was.. Dawii deema and amal y3ni kano mara mflmen oh 7bebti hala w m3rf esh.. Guys i'm fine.
everything was going pretty well in riyadh al7amdellah!
Of course nawaf tried calling, texting he even tried reaching me mn his sister but i gave him no chance. Now i realized only my family and friends are important.
Ramadhan passed and eid came and the "3edya" m7amd got me last year was still wrapped around my neck I was still wearing the necklace mn thak elyom ma ashela ela lma atrwsh or weddings lazm albs fehom big necklaces w ketha.. Allah yr7amk m7amd.
Eid was normal.
And it passed.
Days were getting shorter.
School is getting near
Last weekend.
I took a paper and a pen, my writing machine inside of me started working and i just felt like i should let everything out.
"Dear Mohammed,
It's been a year since you've been gone. It's been a year since i last saw your face, hugged you or even slapped you.
You've always loved my slaps"your hands are soft and they're so weak it's like cotton on my skin" you said that when i first slapped you when i slipped away from the girls to come to you! You sneaky. I miss it.
It's been a year since i heard your i love yous.. I miss yous and "damn baby! Wsh tha alzain bilah lma a7d y56bk goli mtzwja, fahma!!"
It's Been a year Without your late after mid-night weird calls "Hey hala do i have to put oil in order to cook indomi?"
It's been a year without our sillest fights and your big promises.
My period is still bad m7amd but not the i need injection kind of bad but it's been a year since i received my last period cranky mood vanilla ice cream healer.. You know what i'm talking about ? Right?
It's been a year of you not being my alarm and my notifier. A year without your warnings and lectures.
A year without anything of you.
You know i could go on with this but i'm aching. I'm dying. I'm crying.
I miss you. And every little piece of you.
I love you, forever and always.
Always yours, Halawii."
I cried myself to sleep that night and waited for life to end, it was one of those nights when everything felt wrong and bad and mostly destroyed.
I woke up at 3AM with a major headache and i only slept for 3 hours. I'm still feeling depressed.
Tw6'ait, frasht elsajada w 9lait.
There is NOTHING and i literally mean NOTHING that can change your whole day like praying, wallah. Rak3ten w du3a2 tray7kk akthr mn ay shay..... 9dg rabi ma ytrk a7d<3
I peacefully slept after an hour and then i woke up feeling kind of good.
Deema: shfek ams?
Hala: la abd
Deema: mshait mn 3'rftk w sh'hag
Hala-laughing-: ashof movie
Deema: kan wdi ad5l bs 5ft a5rb el movie
My sister knows me so well.
The day passed like any day and at 12AM exactly latifa alx called,
M7amd's sister..
Okay okay we are friends but not to the point where she calls me to chat fahamto? Y3ni ben fatra w fatra..
Anyways i answered immediately.
Latifa: ya hala walah
Hala: ahln w sahlan! Wa7shteni yaklba
Latifa: wala w ana kaman!! Yomain w ashofk nshallah
Hala: inshalah!
Latifa: kaifkk?
Hala: walla al7amdelah w enti kaifk?
Latifa: mashi el7al
.. Silence.
Latifa: um esm3i
Hala: hala
Latifa: omi elyom el3sha 8rart td5l 3'urftaa..
Hala: ee?
Latifa: 6yb fa she got everything out w kan fe your gifts eli ana w9lt'ha lh -laughing- tt4kren lma el sa3a?
Hala-laughing-: ma2sat
Latifa: good days.
Hala: 9dg..
Latifa: almuhem fa he 5altni ad5l m3aha w mara mst3'rba esh tholi w galtli etha a3rf esh elsalfa 6b3an magdrt askt fa 7aketlha 3ankom
Hala: oh
Latifa: 7kaitlha..
And now we were almost going to break down.
Latifa: and she cried to pieces.
Hala: 7yati he!!
Latifa-sigh-: mu hena elsalfa
Hala: ajal
Latifa: lgat zy eldaftr
Hala: a diary ?
Latifa: eee!!
Hala: gd 7kali ena kan yktb
Latifa: w omi mub thak elZod english w alah yr7ma
Hala-: amen
Latifa: kan bs katb english w kam shay 3arbi
Hala: kan ygol 5a6i bl3arbi shain -laughing-
Latifa: eee! Ashof fe m3arb
Hala: graity?
Latifa: el9ra7a bs shay wa7d w 7sait mali 7g l2n awal 9af7a feha esmk.. So i guess lk?
Hala: oh..
Latifa: so, halawii
Hala-laughing-: you kind of sound like him.
Latifa: barsl elswag bukra w m3ah el diary and his watch and everything you got him
Hala: no keep it, i only want the diary.
Latifa: mama mu9era tgol enti ba3d mafro6' daym tt4krena
Hala: golelha bgalbi ho may7taj shay ythakrni feh.
Latifa: allah yr7ma w yjma3na feh bljannah..
Hala-chocking with tears-: ameen
Latifa: 5ala9 ajal bukra l3a9r
Hala: inshalah..
Latifa: yala bbye nshofk ela7d n6'am jded w kethaaa
Hala-laughing-: w3 yghar mara
Latifa: wala awns!
Hala: ma3jabni
Latifa: ana b5leh y3jbk yalla bnam ana t9b7en 3ala 5air
Hala-laughing-: w enti mn ahlla..
Tbon i skip to the diary?
Right?
6yb i broke down eli i can't type now, 3adi akml bukra? La? Ok.
-next day-
I woke up really early eli abi el diary tw9al 5ala9 abi agra esh katb!!!! B9e7...
5ala9 5ala9.
(Page one)
"I know you're not reading, but one day you will. When we get married? For sure!
I love you halawii. <3"
Breaking down.
(Page two)
"2012 mid term vacation. "
You're in Dubai now, your favorite city.
I decided to write you this diary, to explain everything happens in our lives. To note everything. Every word. And every laugh.
Baby, you know dubai is lucky? Like very lucky! I know i forced you to wear el3baya this year but that's only because i only want you for me, i don't want anyone else to see you. Nobody.
I know you're mad, but you cranky gurl your mine. Smile now?
I've been missing you a lot since i only get to talk to you at night because your so busy shopping and watching movies. Abe mn wagtk shway?
(On the days I can't see your eyes,
I don't even want to, open mine.
On the days I can't see your smile,
Well I'd rather sit, wait the while.
For the days I know you'll be near,
'Cause a day without you, it just isn't fair.
See the days I can hear you voice,
I'm left without a choice.) said chester. But i really do fall head over heels for you baby.
I love you!"
Crying.
(Page 40)
"2013 second term
I saw you today! Shft el7yat walla.
You looked gorgeous halawi, i wasn't very happy about you going to that dj party since it's full of people you hated! I wanted you to be happy mafahamt your point of going bs makant agdr agol la because you were going with lulu so you have to come to our house so i'll get to see you! Nyahaha.
Anyways it's late now and i'm sleepy.
Smile baby, i love you!"
I smiled. :')
(Page 43)
"2013 second term.
I know you're reading.
I love you, forever."
(Page 50)
"2013 second term.
Baby, t5awfeni when you're on period. Stop fainting please?
Injections aren't always good! When we get married i'm only going to give you pain killers.
Get well soon wifey.
I love you!!!!"
I cried.
Sobbed.
Died.
Screamed.
And everything inside of me wanted him to be in front of me right now.
But after all i felt relieved and i just felt like he was safe, inshallah.
i read all the letters and they were full of conversations and fights, love and jokes.
Forever keeping it.
-
A new year started, a new me appeared i decided to change so many things m7amd used to dislike about me, he did mention some in the diary and he mentioned that he never told me because he never wanted me to change for him he wanted me to change for myself.
Rest in peace yagalb halawii allah yr7amkk w y3'frlk.
-the end-
I'd like to thank my friend for taking a lot of her time to type a part of this chapter! Seriously men 3nd friend tktbla elsa3a 2 el lail? love you if you're reading<3
