If He Only Knew Ch.4

@Halaalx: i don't know about that.. 

@nawafalx: yala astnak janb el bench eli bl parking.. 

@halaalx: only 5 mins

@nawafalx: no

@halaalx: -.-

@nawafalx: 10

@halaalx: 7

@nawafalx: deal. 

@halaalx: 5 mins w anzl

I wore the first jeans i saw and a hoodie, sprayed some perfume and tied my hair up in a messy bun, i wore my glasses and last my phone and then now butterflies are all over me. And guilt. 

I stopped in front of the elevator.. Anzl ma anzl? 

I got a dm from him"wenk?" 

Ugh, just press the button already you won't lose anything ya hala!

He is a good guy remember?

@halaalx: elevator 

@nawafalx: <3

Uf uf uf........

As the door opened and i took a step out, i walked to the hotel exist door w ana mayta mn el6'eega but when i reached there and then turned to my right and found him there Smiling in excitement i felt a bit relieved so I smiled back and walked over to him.

Nawaf: gart 3eenii.. -sweet tone-

Aaaaaaaaah. 

Hala: umm hey 

Hala: mu shway 3'reb ena mwgfen hena?

Nawaf: w esh l3'reb? 5air ya 6air?

Hala-laughing-: bs a5af a7d yje aw shay

Nawaf: esh ya5ii! Wa7d ykalm wa7da esh el3'al6!

Hala-laughing-: 5ala9 asfen

Nawaf-laughing-: wsh d3wa

Hala: leh mar7t spectrum ?

Nawaf: leh aro7?

Hala: mdri.. 

Nawaf: hahaha 

Hala: no more cast? Esh elkasr abo esbo3 tha?

Nawaf-laughing so hard-: mu kasr bs mdri esh ysmona 

Hala: aah 

Nawaf: wdk nro7 nmshi?

Hala: um no a9lan lazm arga.. 

Nawaf: bs ma amdak?

Hala: 7 minutes 

Nawaf: shd3wa lhdrja karha elga3da m3ay-laughing-

Hala: la la mu ketha!

Nawaf: ajal

Hala: ma a3rf bs lazm arga a9lan jawali byskr w mama btdg b'ay dgega

Nawaf: aha ok alah y7f6'kk

Sorry:(? he knows that i know he's mad bs esh aswe! 

Hala-still standing-

Nawaf-laughing-: go

Hala: please la tz3l.. 

Nawaf: wla yhmk-messing up his hair-

Hala: yalla bye 

Nawaf: nshofk

Hala-smiling- 

WHY

-room- 

 I need someone that understands what i've been through!!! I need a girl to talk to!!! Madawi.

Hala: dawi 9a7ya?

Madawi: la 

Hala: ahaha esm3i a7tajk:'( skype?

Madawi: my cousin mawjoda 3adi?

Hala: youh eff

Madawi: what's wrong e7ki

Hala: the guy

Madawi: ee eeee kaifa?

Hala: ma3rf i've been backing off w ho lsa mt3alg 3rafti a7s mabi a6'lma m3ay!!

Madawi: haw haw!! 

Hala: walah m6'awi faj2a 9rt mabi a7keh w kl tafkeri ra7 to last summer w esh mumkin y9er law t3lgt. W bla bla bla

Madawi: listen enti you'll never get over it bs 7ram he might be a good guy and worth it give him a chance?

Hala: i don't know!!:'( mabi

Madawi: i'm not going to force u 

Madawi: bs etha mu mrta7a wa'67ella mn badri before its too late

Hala: you think?

Madawi: life is full of good chances don't let him go for the past

Madawi: and always remember, what's meant to be will be! No matter what 7ta if you kept running away etha u guys are meant together you'll end up together!

Hala: :') i hate how your words are true klba

Madawi: im here if u needed anything:( 

Hala: thank you a7bk walah. :'(

Madawi: much more<3! 

-few days later- 

Days passed with me trying to ignore nawaf or at least talk less to him but it seems like he's not going to let go. He really is true, and it was hard for me to athgal m3ah for so long.  

Getting out of my bubble for few days wasn't the perfect idea i got worse and worse. Running away from the thought of what could happen if i actually took a step towards this relationship.

What's been hunting for the past few days is the past, where butterflies were the most pain i get and where tears, were always from joy. 

The past, where i was happy. 

The past, where you were there. 

The past, where you were the only thing i cared about. 

The past, where all my dreams stayed. Buried. 

I did say that i've never been in a relationship but guess what? i lied. 

Escaping from the thought of him. 

Escaping reality. 

Trying not to talk about it for a almost a year was hard. But now it's time. 

-FLASHBACK- 

Thursday, last day of summer vacation. You know friday doesn't count! I'm stuck home with a fever and my annoying sister and cousin.  Bad. 

Mohammed: halaawii 

Hala: again with the nickname =)) 

Mohammed: lat5leni ajeblk shay yraw3kkkk haaaa

Hala: who's turning 19 in a week;)?

Mohammed: men:o

Hala: wa7d..

Mohammed: ama 3ad :p

Hala: ee .. I love him so much sorry m7md we have to end this

Mohammed: but but</3

Hala: LOOOOOOOOOL o9 bs <3

Mohammed: esh btjebenli tra asta8bl klshay:D?

Hala: ana hadya:$ 

Mohammed: enti klshay bhaldnya <3 

Hala: 7bebii:*

Mohammed: bs abi hadya:D

Hala: n6'am a5rb elmad7a hatha mu 3ajbni=))

Mohammed: w men by9er 1 thanawi ba3d yom =)) kaaak ola? Matw83t'ha mnk

Hala: .. Tshof

Mohammed: ya 39biiiii

Hala: ma7bk

Mohammed: mu mn galbkk wa7shteni let's skype tonight? 

Hala: suree!!

Mohammed: elyom wa7d mn el3yal mswe 7adth wallah msken he got injured bad

Hala: uff! 7bebi slamt'h:o

Mohammed: esh? 

Hala: slamt'h:|?

Mohammed: esh 7bebk?

Hala: asfa :$ zlt lsan ya galbi

Mohammed: halawii

Hala: hahahaha a7bk

Mohammed: i know you do babe 

Hala: umm.. 

Mohammed: kaif el7rara? 

Hala: ma3rf a7sni bardana bs i'm feeling hot inside 

Mohammed: oh trust me you're super super hot

Hala: LOOOOOOOL:$

Mohammed: eeeee let those dimples come out mab3'aiti

Hala: ana ma adri shlon tshof:)

Mohammed: mn ba6niiiii

Hala: wenk?

Mohammed: car

Hala: and you're typing? Tstahbl:/ 

Mohammed: 3aaaadi i'm pro 

Hala: m7md law sma7t!!?

Mohammed: ebshri ya ro7 m7md ma6labti shay hadi bs

Hala: now

Mohammed: yala shway w raj3lk<3 

Typical m7amd, barj3lk after 2 minutes bs yrj3 ba3d two hours. 

I'm used to him, used to everything he does, 5bz edii zy ma ygolon LOL..

It's right i was only 14 when i met him but i was mature enough to know the right from wrong and i proved everyone wrong when they said this won't last. I'm 16 now and it lasted for two happy years. 

We went through ups and downs together. 

two years of building our relationship. 

Two years of happy and sad.

Two years of growing attached to each other. 

Two years of learning from each other. 

Love was there, the whole two years. Not even fading once. 

-after two hours-

Mohammed: yala skype?

Hala: mali 5lg:(

Mohammed: trdenii????????? Ana?

Hala: tomorrow??? 

Mohammed: -has sent you a picture- 

He was wearing thoub and i don't even want to start on how good he looks in thoub. 3'air his "im sad face" uff<3

Mohammed: ahoooon?

Hala: alah la y7rmni mn halwajh!<3 

Mohammed: :(

Hala: daloo3ii bs walla lina 3ndi

Mohammed: w etha

Hala: :)?

Mohammed: a9lan mub fa6'elk ana ba6l3

Hala: nshof..

Mohammed: :*

Hala: el3aaab

Mohammed: aboo s3ood=))

Hala: LOOOOOOL

And it's been like this ever since i knew him, at my friends house which happens to be his sister, latifa.

The day went by fast.. Well, i slept early since i was so tired from the fever. 

I woke up very early the next morning, nothing to do and no one to talk to so i decided i would call m7amd a7rshaa.. 

Ringing.. 

Mohammed-sleepy voice-: hmm

Hala: 7moodi-dala3-

Mohammed: haa

Hala: wj3 -laughing- goom 6fsht l7ali

Mohammed: wsh bswe etha gmt -sleepy voice- 

His sleepy voice is such a turn on. 

Hala: engl3 bs 7bebtk 6fshana w t3bana w jo3ana w ent naym

Mohammed: 7bebi

Hala: hm? 

Mohammed: nawmeni-in a very sleepy voice-

Hala: Agola jo3ana ygoli nawmeni!

Mohammed: .. 

Hala: hey?

Mohammed: .. 

Ok, sleep well babe. Sh3'lk 3ndi.

Anyways, i stayed up till 4 and then he decided to wake up 3amna! 

Mohammed: morning 

Hala: ay morning?:)

Mohammed: it is to me

Hala: nafsya yabo nafs

Mohammed: rawgeni 

Hala: hmmmmmm

Mohammed: hug me

Hala: -hugs you-

Mohammed: real hug i miss u

Hala: abeeebii<3 

Mohammed: <3 

Hala: 9a7ya mn 8 ana mshtagtlk akthr

Mohammed: esh n6'am a97a badri anam badri-.- 

Hala: esh ya5i bl3'ala6:(

Mohammed: es'har ma3y lelah

Mohammed: 7awl t7s eb law3ti lelah 

Mohammed: 3d ilnjom eshkthraha 

Mohammed: yalii bgalbi kthrha

Hala: :'(<3 

Mohammed: es'harii m3ay elyom b5lek twa9len inshalah

Hala: good boy gone baaaad:o nsena last year mnawmni mn 8=))

Mohammed: you were 15 back then now you're 16 

Hala: 9a7e7=))

Mohammed: el sahra 9baaaa7iii<3 

We kept talking for hours about random subjects and when it hit 7pm i started getting really sleepy! Ugh fight sleep hala fight it!

Mohammed: yl3n abo il7a6' 

Hala: esh fek?

Mohammed: i wanted to skype with you bs faj2a dg wa7d mn el3yal gal byje

Hala: wsho hatholi they never call ef

Mohammed: tomorrow i promise awal ma trj3en mn elmdrsa ok baby?

Hala: ma3leek 3ndna ayaaam<3

Mohammed: 7bebtiii<3 

Hala: agolkk sr?

Mohammed: goli

Hala: i'm sooooooo sleepy.

Mohammed: mafeh!! La t7awlen

Hala: please 5lga mara7 tdre 3ani lma yje 9a7bkk!:(

Mohammed: bs wsh glna?

Hala: a97alk at 2 ok?

Mohammed: la la galbi amz7 m3akk noom il3wafi yarab<3 

Hala: t9ba7 3ala 5air<3

Mohammed: w entii mn ahla dge 3lay lma t6l3en el9ba7 ok?

Hala: mn 3yoni

Mohammed: i love you my everything 

Hala: much more yagalb hala:')

So i slept that night, happy with everything al7amdellah. 

What's bad is i woke up late, 3ala eni nayma badri bs 9dg la galo elnom ys7b elnom so i woke up fast took a shower wore my uniform i checked my phone bsr3a w lgait million missed calls mn my bestie amal bs mafe wagt adg 3aleha wla fe wagt i check bbm wla agol lm7amd eni 6al3a wla shay jani a9lan i didn't receive 3'air broadcast mn wa7da mn elbnat markzt b esmha so i deleted the chat w trkt eljawal w mshait! 

.. 

After 7 minutes we reached the school, oh how much i DIDNT miss you. 

Usually my friends are really late, y3ni eli yd5llon bn9 il79a aw bl79a elthanya specially on our first week of school! But what's unusual ena they were sitting on the bench eli janb elmad5l 

Amal, jood and lulu.. 

Amal came running the second she laid her eyes on me. 

Amal-while hugging me tight-: wa7shteni!!! 

Weird, she's not the hugs kind of person. My best friend, i know her. 

Hala-hugging back and laughing-: esh nag9a 7nan elyom?  

Amal-fake laughing- 

I hugged jood and lulu and they were quiet, like really quiet! My friends are always hyper, sleepy, suffering a headache, hungry ALWAYS HYPER!

hala: haw shfekom?

Amal: leh ma jbti jawalk? 

Hala: ma3rf 97ait mt2a5r makan fe wagta a54a w ma klamt m7md bythba7nii 

My friends know about him, y3ni jidan 3adi w bl3ada lulu bugs me about him.. But she's not?

Amal: wla shfti el  broadcast eli latifa raslta? 

Jood and lulu's face expressions changed. Now i started to panic. 

We were still standing beside the bench, and the bell was going to ring in any minute. 

Hala: esh fekom!? 

Jood: hala ana w enti n3rf ena klshay mgaadr w maktob 

Hala: ee? 

Jood: w ena emankk agwa mn klshay 

Lulu turned giving us her back and then she covered her face.. 

Jood-almost going to cry-: ana ma a3rf kaif aw esh agolk bs 36'am alah ajrk w allah y3aw6'k 

Hala: esh esh la76'a mu fahma ana? Men twafa!? 

No. No. No. Pleae, no. 

Amal: latifa arslt bc.. W elyom shft 3omar a5oy w gali ena 9a7ba twafa b7adth ams el lail.

Yarab enhom ystahblon yarab i know they love to prank me bs this is death??? mu l3ba!! la ana mt2akda ymz7on. I swear the whole place went silent for a long 10 minutes, my breathing wasn't normal, i started shaking like and saying things i shouldn't say. 

Rabi ent a3lam b7ali far7mni ya ar7m alra7men. Rabii la t7rmni mn a3'la ma amlk yarabii. 

He's gone.

long gone. 

Never coming back.

I didn't call him. I was supposed to call him an hour ago and he was supposed to tell me what i should do and what i shouldn't and his sleepy voice, i i didn't hear his first day of school sleepy voice? And his i love you baby? 

Someone please wake me from this nightmare. 

I was screaming inside, tears were locked inside of me afraid of falling, afraid of believing the breaking news.

If only i had a time machine to go back in time to yesterday w ag3d ma anam ymkn law ana ga3dt kan swaina skype w makan ra7 ? ymkn law ana msakt nafsi shway kan al7en ho blmdrsa? Aw naym? Aw ymkn he's in the parking with his friends? i wish i could go back in time two days ago when he was begging me to skype but i refused because of my sister i swear i would've skyped with him with no hesitation. 

I wish i could go back in time where he once tried hugging me but i pushed him away because he smelled like cigarets. Walla i would hug really tight, never letting go. 

I wish i could go back in time to stay with him, day and night. As he wished, es'har ma3ii lelah. 

I wish i could go back in time, to make him stay. 

-PRESENT DAY-

I'm 17 now and if m7amd allah yr7ma was still alive bykon 20 in a month. 

Sana ela shahr bdonh. 

This opened so much scars. 

So much memories. And now you know why i started acting weird around nawaf, and that's why i'm scared to go through anything like this. Mohammed was everything to me, everything. 

Then i lost him, and then i was lost. And everything i had was gone.

I tweeted out"i've been stuck in the past for so long.. Alah yr7mk." 

Latifa and amal retweeted and then latifa tweeted back"amen yarab al3almen.."

I don't care etha eli kano shaken t2akdo 9ra7taan it's been over a year and he's DEAD. Gone. What can they do about it?! NOTHING. 

-Whatsapp-

Amal: hey baby 

Hala: amolii wa7shtenii:(

Amal: akthr wallaaah ya galbi<3

Hala: i can't wait lrj3t riyadh this country is suffocating me

Amal: you ok habebi?

Hala: no amal i'm not:') 

Amal: esh fek e7keli

7kaitlah salfat nawaf mn A to Z. 

Hala: but i miss m7amd so bad and i feel bad for having someone in my life 3'aira:') 

Amal: allah yr7ma.. Ma a3rf esh agolk wala

Hala: amen yarab. 

Amal: but you know he's in a better place now, and you can't stay FOREVER like this. 

Amal: you have to give people chances and you've always said everyone deserves a chance in love right? W tgolen the new kid never been in a relationship? 3ala ena he sounds expert :p bs y3ni give him a chance you have to let someone in, sooner or later. 

Hala: new kid is just pure cuteness bs ma a3rf!!!:( 

Amal: agolk let go of the past, you can't do anything about it. And welcome him in your life

Amal: but always remember, althgl zain 

Hala: LOOOOOOOOOOOOL

Hala: Hufff inshallah..

Amal: a7bk halatii<3 please don't bottle things up again ok galbi?

Hala: a7bk:') mara

Amal: mu kthrii<3 

Hala: <3!

Amal: and enjoy cali!! Ya majnona ma atw83 enk tben tkonen bmakani now:)! Jeddah ? JEDDAH ? .. 

Hala: jeddah is fun-.- at least fe ur cousins 

Amal: wala eni mt7msa 3ala makkah bukra bnro7 n3tmr swa 

Hala: alaaaah alah yt8abl<3 amana la tnseenii ed3eliii

Amal: ebshrii bdon matgolen:(<3 

Hala: w ed3ela amana.. 

Amal: la tw9en 7are9<3 

So, past.. I'm letting go. But you know i love you, Forever and always.