Here and there Ch.14

After the fight we calmed down, he apologized million sten mara! T3thar w e3t4r and As long as i remember 3umri ma z3lt 3ala faisal ldrjt eni ma a7akeh! Lsa ma agwa.. So after that we started talking shway normal,bs ard bklma w rd '36aha w 5ala9 bs ahm shay ma asfha.. Ba3den he literally cried lma i called him again mn nafsi, How can you not forgive the one you love ba3d ma ybkon for forgiveness and he's not just anyone! He's my faisal. But i still had the feeling da5li lsa bnafsi shay, i wished and prayed for 2 days ena the feeling fades, it slowly did.. But not completely. 

At last! Our uni started their national food day and i was surprised that even guys participated on this! Knt mtwa83a bs bnat. I never saw the guys in our uni, i heard enhom"ys6lon" mn klam reem LOL bs 9ra7a no one grabbed my attention.. I was going around the food with one of my friends, faj2a n3'ztni w ela tbe tro7 ta5th mhalbya 7ara (m7lbya*whatever u call it) i've always loved mhalbyat jadti w tw83t ma7d ygdr y'6b6ha 3'airhaa ela an9dm bthal wald elzain mswe thalmhlbya elzaina.... 

Guy: ha tbon 97n akbr shaklha 3ajbtkom? 

Rana-ttdal3-: mashallaah 3alek ent msweha?

Guy: elwalda ma g9rt ma 5lt shay ma 3almtna 

Nouf: lesh swet elmhlbya blthat?

Guy: l2ni knt msht'heha gabl ma anam 

Nouf: w 97ait el9ba7 w swait'ha w elwa'63 6be3y -laughing- 

Guy: dam halmhalbya jabtk l7d hena agom elfajr

Nouf-laughing-: okayyy 

Rana-getting angry-: elzbdaa ab3'a 97n kber 

Guy: w enti? 

Nouf: la mu mshtahya mara al7en lma y9erlk m7l b6lb mnk l2n mhalbytk zy 7gt jadti alah yr7mha 

Guy: ya ba5ti-handling rana her plate- 

Nouf: ya ba5tk

Guy: aah esm3i law tben aw9lk ana mta ma eshtaheti!

Nouf: la wsh d3wa

Guy: wallla 7alft 3alek arsl elswag mu mushkela

Guy: w mabi la 3shan 5a6r halnational food eli mafeh ela akl s3odi 

Nouf-laughing-: walla may7taj wsh d3wa

Guy: la la ma 3lek enti bs 36eni rgmk a5th lwa9f

Rana-a little bit shocked-

Nouf: ah may7taj etha mara mlzm elwa9f maybela y3ni agdr aktbh lk

Guy: okay ajeblk warga dgega

W bda y5trsh, it was cute. But NO. 

Rana-almost whispering-: mnjdk?

Nouf: elwld mlzm mnb gadra amshi w atrka

Rana: mat3rfena

Nouf: a7d gal btzwja?! Tra ras malha mhalbya 

Rana: 6yb a39ab shfek enti lek yomain mu mt7mla shay

Nouf: mafeni shay-laughing-

He came back w katbtla w9f betna gali byrsl elswag 3ala elma3'rb y3ni mdri, y7s ymon bs wala 7sait magdr agol la. 

Anyways! After the day full of food reem raghad and shahad came to pick me from uni 3shan naween yrj3on beti, 3elmn enhom 3azmen nafs'hom shway.. 

Reem: bmooot abi el danube btwdoni wla bnt7r

Raghad: y3 shfeha thy 7btlaha wa7d mn el hnod eli henak???

Reem: 3ala zg enti!!!

Nouf: esm3o ana mali 5lgkom 7alyan btskton wla esh?

Shahad: esssssh 

Nouf-laughing-: m9alaaaah 

Reem: noufi galbi enti darya ena kl el3yal ketha y3ni mfro6' matg3den b9dmah w kurh larb3 ayam

Raghad: 9adga! Wallaa 5welk bnt ary7lk

Reem-laughing-: la mama la 7bebti laaaa mub ketha elnas t'hdi w tn97

Shahad and nouf-laughing so hard-

Nouf: wala mu ketha i'm fine bs elnafsya b3d eljam3a 

Shahad-side hugging-: wh wh wh 

Nouf-laughing-: elzbdaa bgolkum salfa 9art elyom

Reem: goli lrashed ymr eldanube la al3n shaklts

Nouf: golela enti

Rashed: 5ala9 ana fahm 

Reem-laughing-: rjaaal w elrejalo 8lelon 

Nouf: elzbda agolkum t5ylo ador m3 rana hathi eli gltlkom 3nha

Raghad: y3 y3 3jzt ah6'mha thalbnt

Nouf: eeee ma9lh t5ylo s7btni ts7eb bttmel7 3nd wa7d a5r shay w9l ena b3'a ya5th ragmi

Reem: haaaaw-laughing-

Nouf: esm3i enti bs

Shahad: jak whatsapp mn faisal-ebtsama bathra-

Nouf: keli zg 6yb-ebtsama bathra- 

Raghad: kaamli

Nouf: elzbda ho kan mswy mhalbya w ana mu mara knt jo3ana wagtaha bs jarbt w ygali astahbl gltla law tw9l w mdri esh gali 5ala9 mub mushkela ena yje len 3ndk ana eli omg what thef???? 

Shahad: YMOOOON 

Raghad: walaah yazenh

Nouf: gmt agola ena la may7taj w mdri esh gali wallaa ma3lay w ma abi la w mdri esh w nshb mara gam gali 36enii rgmk a54 elwa9f gltla la may7taj ena bs baktblk eyah bwarga

Shahad: ashwaaaaa 

Nouf: ee w bs ktabta bwrga w byrsl elswag elma3'rb wala ya 3leh mhalbya b mooz tjeb elraaas

Raghad, reem and shahad-disgusted expression- 

Shahad: ykrrrmmm eln3maa 

Reem: wdi athogha bs shaklaha mara 3jbtk aw ho eli 3ajbk-wink-

Raghad: aaah aaah -wink-

Shahad: knkom nseto l7ub?

Raghad: wel7ub nsaha w klm wa7da 3'airha 3ala asas btfrg 

7zt b5a6rii.. Ma a7kelkom gd esh! 

Nouf: bs mu ldrjt a7aki 3'airh mu jawi wa7da bw7da 

Until the devil starting roaming around my head. Why? Everytime he does something i forgive him and i've never in our 2/3 years did something to hurt him? It's huge when it's you who's going through all of this. 

As we went inside danube w bdaina nmshi w ndor mdri esh yshron bl6'ab6 he skyped called me, i put my headphones on w mshet b3ed b3ed 3nhom w 3n ez3ajhom.. 

Nouf: alo

Faisal: goli amen

Nouf: amen

Faisal: j3lni ma an7rn mn hal9ot

Nouf-silence- 

Faisal: galbi

Nouf: hala

Faisal: mshtaglk

Nouf: gd esh?

Faisal: alah wa7dh a3lm

Nouf: esh lmaw6'o3 eli knt bt7akeni feh

Faisal: ensi 5ala9

-

Reem-screaming-: tra bnro7 n7asbb 

I walked to them and stopped in front gablhom w lsa my headphones were still on.

Nouf: abi a3rf 6yb?

Faisal: shay mayhm wala

Nouf: haw 

Faisal: 3'ala6t lma glt w t7sft ensi enti bs

Nouf: ya alah mnk ya faisal! 5th shahad ana bro7 a7asb!! 

9ayra ma ast7ml elt3'ali!! 5ala9.

-SHAHAD's SIDE OF THE STORY-

Faisal: shfeha?

Shahad: ent eli shfek 

Faisal: ana mafeni shay

Shahad: 6yb ya nafsyat 

Faisal: shaklkom 6al3en

Shahad: ee bl danube kna maren 7bebtk mn eljam3aa

Faisal: 3'reba 6al3a badri

Shahad: elyom 7g elakl

Faisal: aaah! 

Shahad: ma galtlk 3n elwald eli bywa9lha akl len bet'ha-laughing- ymon bzyada 

Faisal: n3am? 

Shahad: wsho?-shocked-

Omg..... Omg. Banl3n.

Faisal: wsh aklh! Ay wald?

Shahad: uh esm3 hathi nouf 5th'ha 

I gave the phone to nouf w gltlha faisal ybeha... 

-NOUF'S SIDE OF TE STORY-

Nouf: haw shahad mskr ?

Shahad: ah ymkn bl3'ala6

Nouf: elzbda yala 

Reem: laaa76'a nset ajebli shay

Shahad: baji m3akk 

Raghad: ana ba3d

Nouf: allah ya5thkom-laughing- t3alo blsyara yaklab

I was walking with 3 heavy bags and my phone was in my pocket 7sait ena it was vibrating, estaw3bt ena skype, shway w ark6' a5af y7sbni faisal eni safhta!

As i gave rashed the bags i went inside the car and called him back. 

Faisal: mumkin tshr7enli? 

Nouf: haw ashr7lk esh?

Faisal: w9lt ena el3yal yw9lonlk akl lenn betk-sarcastic laugh- 

Nouf: w etha? Tra akl

Faisal: aha, okay akl 

Nouf: ee akl! Ma d5lt lwld baitna wla gahwet'h leh el39bya

Faisal: mu enti gayltli enh bs bnat!!!? Tstahblen 3ala rasi enti? N6'amkkk pay back???????? 

Nouf: faisal la t9r5 -quietly- 

Faisal: la tmsheni 3ala kaifk!! I've had enough!!! This is all wrong!!! 

Nouf: elswag eli byw9lh

Faisal: eeeeh 6h!!! T7sbeni thor?

Nouf: faisal

Nouf: wdk tglb elsalfa 3lay? Madrait eni 7ta z3l ma z3lt w ent lk ash'hr t7aki wa7da? T7sbni zyk!? 

Faisal: wsh zyi!!

Nouf: la 7bebi ana mu zyk!!!! Ana ma aro7 a7bli wa7d w 3ndi wa7d m3'neeni ma aro7 a7akeli wa7d l2nh "yarab enh wld" la faisal ana mu zyk ana mu zyk bwla shay

Faisal: may7taj elaflam

Nouf: okay faisal ent shaklk m39b w ana abd mali 5lg lma trawg ntfahm

I ended the call, shocked. 

What the f was that!? 

After an hour he whatsapped me. 

Faisal: sorry about the screaming 

Nouf: no problem

Faisal: i need to tell you something. 

Nouf: go on

Faisal: i love you more than anything in this world and i wish one day t9eren le l7ali, but this is not working.

Nouf: this?

Faisal: us

Faisal: me and you, we've been fighting over everything and anything and i can't take it anymore

Nouf: okay

Faisal: this should end, w rabi yktb eli feh el5air

Nouf: what should end? The fights?

Faisal: no nouf no

Nouf: what

Faisal: us

Nouf: simply? 

Faisal: i've been thinking for so long

Faisal: please don't hate me i just don't want to hurt you more 

Nouf: right

Faisal: law sm7ti 

Nouf: whatever suits you

Faisal: i love you ok? More than anything

Nouf: i don't believe you anymore 

Faisal: one day baji w a54k w enti tshofen, sana snten enshalah 10 blnhaya bt9eren le

Nouf: ee l2n ldnya 3ala kaifk tmshi, t7sb elmsha3r l3ba w ana 3demt msha3r bla9l!! T7sb eni mara7 at3b? T7sb ena sahl 3lay?????

Nouf: 7aram 3alek sneni eli 6'ay3taha 3ala wla shay tnhi eli bena!!!

Nouf: mabek! Ana? Ma 3ad abek

Nouf: w m3 kl hatha w kl eli tsweh feni ya faisal i wish you nothing but the best, mara7 atrjak fe shay ent matbeh mara7 ajbrkk wlaw elbu3d gatlni

Nouf: alah yhnek w ys3dk

Simply. 

Whoever wants to stay, will stay. And whoever wants to leave, the door is open. 

Ela mta i'll fight for him to stay? 

Ela mta bathl nafsi?

Rooo7 allah y7f6'k mn kl shr ro7 wlaw eni lel7en abek. 

Gd ma z3lt mnh ma3d bga feni 3tab, mabga feni shay yngal. 

Allah a3lam blii ga3d y9er feni al7en. 

I hope i can manage it.

He doesn't want me! 5ala9. 

Shahad-opens the door-: h-heeey!! Wsh fek?

Reem-opens the other door-: HAW!!! 

They jumped and tried to get whatever is going on with me but no word came out. 

I threw the phone on shahad and she started reading. 

Shahad: 6yb ymkn elwald yt3'ala 

Nouf: ana a3rfh

Shahad: 6yb kan 7awlti

Nouf: a7awl esh shahad? Afr6' nafsi? Maybeni leh a'39bh?

Shahad: 6yb rdi 3aleh 

Nouf: wsh gal? 

Shahad: egreh

Nouf: mabi

Raghad: 36eni ana agra

Raghad: quoting faisal"please forgive me for whatever i've done, i promise you i'll be back. I know i have no reason to leave but it's for the best for the both of us, okay baby? I love you till the end of time" 

Reem-yadha 3ala galbha-: yashenh

Nouf-tears-: mn kthr ma a7bh karht'h

Shahad: nouf try es2leh leh 6yb elwald ma 36ak ay 3thr

Nouf: ana mabi a34ar it will make it worse.. 

Shahad: enti mstaw3ba?

Raghad: fakri nouf 5thi wagtk

Nouf: mara7 ajbr a7d 3aly

Reem: y3ni law al7en galk 5ala9 abek btgolen yala mshena?

Nouf: la 6b3an.

Reem: 5ala9 nafs elshay! Mu awal maygolk i'll end this tgolen okay m3 elslama 

Raghad: faisal hatha

Shahad: think

Nouf: 7ta ento 9rto m3ah 5air!!!! 

Nouf: ana eli mfro6' atrka ana eli ga3dt m3ah 7ta law eni darya enh m7aky 3'airi!!!! Bs zy elthora ga3dt! Law jaya mni ahwn bs ana ma aj7d el3shra bdgegten zyh!!!

Nouf: t7sboni ma adri en kl hatha 3shan lulu?

Shahad: la tbal3'en!! Shd3wa hal lulu eli sa7rt'h

Nouf: yashai5a alah yhneh m3 lulu aw 3'airha ana m3ad yhmni 5ala9. 

Shahad: fakri feha

Reem: tra btt7sfen 7af6'enk

Raghad: t4kren yom ngolk ena etha ra7 ydrs bra byt3'ayr?

Nouf: law sm7to 5ala9 mali 5lg abdddd.. 

Shahad: a9lan rabi byrzgk bli a7sn mna

I stayed quiet for few minutes..

Nouf: men gal abi 3'erh? 

---

I prayed. 

Every minute. 

Of every hour. 

Of every day. 

That he comes back with anything.

A word?

I miss you? 

I need you?

Ya j3lni ma an7rm mn hal9ot?

Galb faisal enti? 

Nothing. 

A whole month passed with nothing. 

He disappeared from twitter, stopped writing thoughts on path, i never saw his last seen a9lan ana shaylta 3shan 3war galbi and he never called, i tried looking if he's online on skype but he never went online, for a whole month!!!! 

I fucking struggled. I lost weight, i lost my glow, my joy, i lost everything that used to represent me, my grades for the month went very low, believe it or not! I stopped going out, and nothing would've got me out of this 3'air shahad reem and raghad, they were with me, but they didn't fill the hole of emptiness inside me.

The hole of missing him kept getting bigger and bigger, but i knew that by time i'd get used to it.. 

Inshallah.